Living comes naturally, it’s what we are conditioned to do as humans. But living comes in many forms, as Billy Joel said,‘you can get what you want or you can just get old’, and I’m in my getting what I want era.
This isn’t one of those posts to try and make some heartbroken 20-year-old feel less shit for not having their life together (although if that is you, I do want you to know that everything will be okay. As someone with many heartbreaks under my belt the worst ones will come from places you least expect) but it’s a post about how life is hard and how one day you’ll get to a place of personal privilege that allows you to reflect and revaluate.
2023 was one of those years that flew by, lots of the dynamics in my life that had become my comfort place shattered to pieces and had to be rebuilt again. It was hard but, as I said before, we are conditioned to live and so I woke up everyday, did what I always did and continued that cycle until everything was okay again. And once everything was okay again and the silence set in (a lack of drama quietens your life right down) I started to realise that I’d been spending my life just getting old.
By all accounts I was successful in many ways. Having birthed 3 wonderful children, owning my own home, finishing my MA and publishing 5 non-fiction books all before turning 30 I was living many person’s dream. But you aren’t really living when you’re simultaneously pregnant with twins, under pressure to complete your Master’s dissertation and staying up all hours trying to reach the word count for your latest book. I’m now 34 and have no plans to have anymore children, no plans to further my education and I’ve reached the top of my personal career ladder. Now I want to learn to live or should I say relearn to live.
I’m not sure what that has in store for me but if I live to the average age of 80 I’m not even half way through my life and if around 20 years of my life were spent becoming an adult I’ve only used up one third of my potential so there’s still time to become something else or someone else. I’ve lived the way the society has told me to live, I got the job, got the house, got the children and now I can live the way I want to live, the life that includes all the thing that light me up inside.
Here are my in’s and out’s of 2024 so far;
In
Morning pages - Writing three pages of stream of consciousness every single morning is like coffee for the soul.
Wild swimming - Wild swimming, dipping, dunking, anything that involves being in natural bodies of water is chefs kiss.
Sister circles - I created a sister circle this year and it’s kind of a ‘take what you need’ situation. Some of the group are very spiritual, others are there for the wellbeing vibes but together we have made the most comforting community.
Creativity - I have been following The Artist’s Way and it’s inspired me to try lots of new things such as scrapbooking and writing fiction.
Out
Facebook and Instagram - the best thing I did was delete some of my social media accounts to make time for forms of social media I enjoy and by that I of course mean Substack.
External validation - Just not caring if other’s like your hobbies or clothes or art or quirks.
Loved this, and the pops of read and beautiful love note 💌
how do I join the sister circle! I used to host these in 2020